When I checked to see how long it had been since my last post I couldn't believe it. I thought I would share where I have been. And believe me it was not a pretty place.
February is "dead people" month for me. Meaning that there are death anniversaries and birthdays of those who I have lost crammed all in one month. On top of that I also had my annual mammo scheduled. There was no fun to be had. the 21st is my first husband's birthday, the 19th, my grandma's, and the 22nd my grandpa's birthday. Not sure if I had mentioned it before but my aunt was diagnosed with ovarian cancer back in the fall. This is the mother of my dear cousin who died a summer ago from a recurrence of her breast cancer (she went through it 2 years ahead of me).
I got the call on my grandpa's birthday, 2/22. It was about my aunt. She passed away from complications of her chemo treatments. She was only 68. I cried quietly as to not wake my sick husband who was on the couch with the flu. I cried through the weekend and then woke up on monday morning with my own fever and sore throat. Round 2 for me with the flu this season. I had spent the month of December on the couch sick with it already and was pretty angry that it hit me again. Not only angry but I was left wondering if there was something else going on inside my body that would explain my crappy immune system. Another family member gone too soon from cancer. I am losing count at this point but what I do know is that my fear of recurrence increases as does my survivor's guilt with each person I loose to that deadly beast.
Lou is finally feeling better and I am now just getting up off the couch for the first time in 10 days. Not much tastes good to me so I started making smoothies. This one has coconut milk, banana, and some baby spinach. You can't taste the spinach at all so its a good way to get some green without the veggie taste.
I haven't painted in 2 weeks and I miss it. I have canvas's staring at me on my easel but I just don't have the energy. Whatever this flu bug is it is really bad. Worse the second time around. These are the moments when I most regret not enjoying the days when I feel good.
Hope you are all doing alot better than I!
Hope to visit you all soon!