Goodbye My Sweet Bosco . . .

I feel so sad and have been crying all night long. Yesterday we had to put our sweet pug to sleep. It was the hardest decision to make and the worst. I have eluded to bosco's health trouble in a couple of previous posts but was not ready to share it all until today.

At the beginning of all this I had a bad dream the he died. I don't ever have premonition type dreams but apparently that what it was. The short version is that about 3 weeks ago he started vomiting. I didn't think anything of it as this was a dog vomited alot during his short life mostly from inhaling his food to fast. But it continued for a few days and then the night of the hurricane Irene when we lost power he was vomiting alot. So I took him to the vet the following day and found out he had lyme's disease which was bad enough but results of a lymph node biopsy revealed he also had lymphoma. Being a cancer survivor myself I still cannot get past the fact that my dog had cancer.

We started treating the lyme's with antibiotics as the vet was unsure how much of what was going on was related to the lymphoma. So all last week he wasn't getting much better, and he even needed an anti nausea pill to keep food down. And then over this past weekend as the anniversary of my first husband's death loomed over my head he started loosing his apetite. Thats when I knew it was getting bad. So Tuesday we took him for more tests and they revealed that his kidney's were inflamed and causing all this trouble on top of the multiple swollen lymph nodes up and down his little abdomen.

We gave one last effort to get his kidneys going but it didn't work. Yesterday morning when I got him up he was starting to get really tired just walking around and would plop down on the floor wherever he was and sit there. And he would not touch any food at all. This was a dog who was a human vacuum cleaner when it came to eating.

The night before last I had a dream of him and in the dream he was at the door wanting to go out. The door was open and I was telling him wait, no, no, no..... and all I remember was him looking back at me. I feel like that was his way of letting me know he wanted to go.

He was my first pet, and the pain I feel now is almost unbearable. He would have been 8 next month. My husband wants to get another pug and I don't. Maybe I will change my mind but the thought of going through this again with another one is too much for me.

I will take some solace in knowing his is no longer suffering and I hope he is laying in the sun somewhere.
It was always his favorite place to be . . .
xo