Friday, March 8, 2013

Reeling And Healing . . .

When I checked to see how long it had been since my last post I couldn't believe it.  I thought I would share where I have been.  And believe me it was not a pretty place.  

February is "dead people" month for me.  Meaning that there are death anniversaries and birthdays of those who I have lost crammed all in one month.  On top of that I also had my annual mammo scheduled.  There was no fun to be had.  the 21st is my first husband's birthday, the 19th, my grandma's, and the 22nd my grandpa's birthday.  Not sure if I had mentioned it before but my aunt was diagnosed with ovarian cancer back in the fall.  This is the mother of my dear cousin who died a summer ago from a recurrence of her breast cancer (she went through it 2 years ahead of me).  

I got the call on my grandpa's birthday, 2/22.  It was about my aunt.  She passed away from complications of her chemo treatments.  She was only 68.  I cried quietly as to not wake my sick husband who was on the couch with the flu.  I cried through the weekend and then woke up on monday morning with my own fever and sore throat.  Round 2 for me with the flu this season.  I had spent the month of December on the couch sick with it already and was pretty angry that it hit me again.  Not only angry but I was left wondering if there was something else going on inside my body that would explain my crappy immune system.  Another family member gone too soon from cancer.  I am losing count at this point but what I do know is that my fear of recurrence increases as does my survivor's guilt with each person I loose to that deadly beast.  

Lou is finally feeling better and I am now just getting up off the couch for the first time in 10 days.  Not much tastes good to me so I started making smoothies.  This one has coconut milk, banana, and some baby spinach.  You can't taste the spinach at all so its a good way to get some green without the veggie taste.  

I haven't painted in 2 weeks and I miss it.  I have canvas's staring at me on my easel but I just don't have the energy.  Whatever this flu bug is it is really bad.  Worse the second time around.  These are the moments when I most regret not enjoying the days when I feel good.  

Hope you are all doing alot better than I! 
Hope to visit you all soon!


  1. I was thinking about you today sweetpea and wondering where you were...

    I'm so sorry to hear about your aunt. And we know she would have had a hard road with the ovarian cancer...and the chemo was more than she was ready to bear. Was her heart in it? Likely not given that it wasn't that long ago her daughter left this life. And they are together and their love continues. Which doesn't make you less sad in any way.

    Both of you having this cruddy flu (second time for you!) -- you're in need of some beach air I think. Hopefully the 2 of you can find some time to head to Newport and recharge.

    Sending you love and hugs and healing thoughts. xo

  2. Hi Cathy,
    I am sorry to hear about your Aunt. It is always SO hard to lose our loved ones. Glad you're feeling better though and the smoothie looks pretty good, even with spinach. I hope you're feeling stronger every day and that you can get back to painting soon!

  3. oh cathy, i'm sorry about your aunt and your flu bug. we've been lucky not to get hit but my sister was sick for 6 weeks! this year is a bad one. i hope you feel better this week and get back to painting. it will help you as you mourn the loss of your dear aunt.
    big hugs to you.