acrylic on 9x12 canvas board
Lately I have been feeling scared when it comes to my art. I feel like I am jumping all over the place in the art world which I think is ok sometimes but it has become distracting. I will always do photography (its my first love) but I really want to develop my painting skills. My fear is in doubting my skills, doubting I will ever find where I fit in, doubting that I can even call myself an artist. I hate feeling this way. I hate that I cannot enjoy the process of creating. I hate that I focus too much on the product and what will fit in my etsy store. I haven't been able to focus on painting because I am afraid to paint ugly. But I don't realize that in the "ugly" can be something amazing waiting to happen.
So today I decided that I would get back to a canvas that had been staring me down for months. It was a still life I started last year and repainted it twice. I hated the colors, the way I couldn't stay in the lines, and how I had trouble blending. I wish I had taken a photo of it before I painted over it today because you would not believe how much better it is! And what is more important is that I can see that myself. I can see the progress I have made as an artist (dare I call myself that). I painted today just to paint. Just to feel the paintbrush moving on the canvas, to get in the zone so to speak without worrying what it was looking like. I know that technically this is not right but it looks good to me. And I didn't even fuss over the colors. You all know how notorious I am for that! I like the muted colors, the white candle, the peachy vase against the gray backdrop.
I will be adding some yellow flowers to the vase and highlighting more but I wanted to share my progress so far! I will be sure to post it when I am finished. And I hope I don't leave it in the corner waiting like my urban landscape!