Remembering A Sweet Moment. . .

Lou and Bosco

Newport, RI 10/7/04

As you all know creativity is a healer. During the most difficult times of my life I have turned to my writing, photography and now painting to help get me through. This time is no different. I am still reeling from the loss of my pug and some days feel as though I won't ever stop crying. On Saturday I went looking through some photos of my Bosco, shed some tears, and then put my focus to creating something beautiful.

I love this photo I shot of Lou and Bosco 7 years ago on a trip to Newport. There is something so amazing about capturing those candid moments that cannot never be posed or planned. I thought this image would be great with texture and I cropped it in such a way to leave room for an inspiring quote I found about dogs.
Lou loved what I did with this photo and I do too. The words really complete it for me. It made me feel a little better taking my pain and translating it into something beautiful.

Thought you might like to see the original image . . .

Thank you all for your ongoing support and kind words as I weave my way through this maze of grief.

I am grateful for all of you . . .
xo

NYC . . . We Will Never Forget

NYC skyline as seen from the Brooklyn Bridge

11/09

We finally had a cool morning here in NY today and I headed down to the walk trail. My favorite season is just around the corner. I am still crying over my pup and felt the pain as my feet touched the path. I hadn't been down there in a few weeks. I missed having him trot beside me. As I listened to the first crunch of a leaf under my shoe I thought about how no matter what happens in our lives somehow life moves on with or without us.

Every year on this day I think about that moment, the one none of us will ever forget. I am a NY'er and live less than an hour from the city. That morning I was laying on the couch in pain, feeling sorry for myself that I had just had cancer surgery. As I watched the horror unfold on television I felt stupid for feeling such self pity. I realized how grateful I was for my own life. I remember feeling scared as we waited to hear from my brother who was only 40 blocks from the scene. Then I felt such relief knowing he was ok. Loved ones were all that mattered. Having just suffered the loss of my pup and on days like today I am reminded of how precious life is.

I captured this shot of the skyline a couple of years ago when my husband and I walked across the Brooklyn Bridge for the first time. Although the skyline will never be the same what is left is a reminder of the resiliency of NYC and all who survived. . .

Goodbye My Sweet Bosco . . .

I feel so sad and have been crying all night long. Yesterday we had to put our sweet pug to sleep. It was the hardest decision to make and the worst. I have eluded to bosco's health trouble in a couple of previous posts but was not ready to share it all until today.

At the beginning of all this I had a bad dream the he died. I don't ever have premonition type dreams but apparently that what it was. The short version is that about 3 weeks ago he started vomiting. I didn't think anything of it as this was a dog vomited alot during his short life mostly from inhaling his food to fast. But it continued for a few days and then the night of the hurricane Irene when we lost power he was vomiting alot. So I took him to the vet the following day and found out he had lyme's disease which was bad enough but results of a lymph node biopsy revealed he also had lymphoma. Being a cancer survivor myself I still cannot get past the fact that my dog had cancer.

We started treating the lyme's with antibiotics as the vet was unsure how much of what was going on was related to the lymphoma. So all last week he wasn't getting much better, and he even needed an anti nausea pill to keep food down. And then over this past weekend as the anniversary of my first husband's death loomed over my head he started loosing his apetite. Thats when I knew it was getting bad. So Tuesday we took him for more tests and they revealed that his kidney's were inflamed and causing all this trouble on top of the multiple swollen lymph nodes up and down his little abdomen.

We gave one last effort to get his kidneys going but it didn't work. Yesterday morning when I got him up he was starting to get really tired just walking around and would plop down on the floor wherever he was and sit there. And he would not touch any food at all. This was a dog who was a human vacuum cleaner when it came to eating.

The night before last I had a dream of him and in the dream he was at the door wanting to go out. The door was open and I was telling him wait, no, no, no..... and all I remember was him looking back at me. I feel like that was his way of letting me know he wanted to go.

He was my first pet, and the pain I feel now is almost unbearable. He would have been 8 next month. My husband wants to get another pug and I don't. Maybe I will change my mind but the thought of going through this again with another one is too much for me.

I will take some solace in knowing his is no longer suffering and I hope he is laying in the sun somewhere.
It was always his favorite place to be . . .
xo