Today I thought I would share some writing. I am continuing to work the novel I started back in November during NaNoWrimo. So from time to time I will be posting snippets here on the blog. I am making headway and it is exciting to watch this story come to life. I mocked up this cover art using my own photography and of course filters. Once had the visual it kept me going.
The following excerpt is a memory that my narrator Carly is recalling about her alcoholic father.
Hope you enjoy today's snippet!
I would hear his footsteps coming up the stars. Heavy footsteps, a hard clunking sound. A very determined sound and this sound would slowly get closer and closer to the bedroom door. The door would fling open as I listened to it almost come right off the hinges. And there he would be standing like a shadow in the light of the doorway bracing his stout drunk frame on the door holding onto the knob for dear life as if it could ever hold up his weight. He would stumble over to the edge of my bed. As he got closer so did the smell of beer on his breath. I pretended to be asleep. Sadly that never worked. The smell of his beer breath turned into a warm breath I could feel on my face because he was so close. I’m sure as warm as the alcohol felt pumping through his veins. His eyelids were heavy but still open enough to see through to his bloodshot eyes. I closed my eyes tight in a futile attempt to protect myself wishing with my whole heart that my mom was there to save me. He reached up to touch my face and my toes curled in anticipation of the horror I would feel.
I felt the weight of him denting my mattress as he reached his cold scuffed hand up to my cheek. The cement from a day of work was still decorating his fingers. The smell of cigarette smoke was wafting off of his crew neck t-shirt. As he looked into my eyes I noticed the tears. His eyes were welling up. His bottom lip began to quiver as he spoke.
“I’m so sorry my little girl. I promise I will never do this again.” he said as he cupped his head in his hands.
“Don’t worry daddy, it will be ok.” I responded in my little girl voice as I wondered why my dad was crying. Dad’s aren’t supposed to cry I thought to myself. He didn't even cry when my mom died. Why cry now.
“I am gonna stop drinking I swear.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard that one before” I thought to myself.
“You are the most important thing in my life. I never wanted to hurt you. I wish I could bring your mom back but I can’t. I miss her so much, everyday.” he said with a shaking in his voice.
My mom Connie Milanti died of breast cancer when I was 10 years old. They say that when people get sick that it can stem from emotional trauma. Each area of your body holds significance to a certain emotion. I read a book recently that tied breast cancer to love, or more significantly lost love. That hit me like a ton of bricks. My mom fell in love with an alcoholic, an abusive alcoholic and spent her time with him just soaking up the negative energy like a sponge. What else could happen? Nothing good was ever gonna come of that relationship. Not even me.
Even when my mom was sick she hid it from us. She always put on a happy face no matter what. She tried to smile through her tears always. A stiff upper lip was a trademark on her once pretty face. Her mocha colored eyes with soft, long, perfect lashes adorning the edges were chronically filled with sadness and fear. My aunt had to drag my mom to the doctor when she was so bent over from severe back pain that she wouldn’t even move from the couch. The doctor immediately admitted her to the hospital where they quickly traced the back pain to cancer that was ravaging her young 35 year old body. It was in her blood, her bones, it was everywhere it could find to hide and eventually to kill her. During all of this good ‘ol Vito just used it as a reason to hit the hard stuff. As if it were even possible he began to drink heavily becoming more and more useless. If it weren't for Aunt Angie, my mom’s twin, who knows what would have happened to me. I think my mom died of a broken heart. No doctor will agree to that theory but it is what I know deep within my soul. "
For a synopsis of the novel click HERE!